THIS.
The Times probably should have waited until after the Kavanaugh coverage slowed down, but then there probably would have just been some other big shit storm stirring up because every day is a hell day full of shit storms in the Trump Presidency, ensuring that every shitty thing he does gets buried in the latest shit storms.
Did Trump seriously shut down the US government because he’s not getting his way with the damn wall shit
OH I SEE
its in turkish so I’ll translate it for yall
*giggles*
im really sorry that im laughing but-
*bursts into more giggles*
*clears throaght*
“whatcha doing there?,,, what even are those feet- *bursts into more fits of laughter*
Aaaaaaand I’m doooone
This is for @alluras-paladins it was supposed to be just a sketch of Marinette in a cute dress and I don’t know how I got here
Might actually upload a speedpaint process for this if anyone is interested
hot take: the word “queer” exists as both a slur and an identity, and to say otherwise is erasure of both the struggles that people went through getting harassed/etc by people who called them that, and the struggles and activism that went into people reclaiming the word for themselves.
it’s called giving other people respect. if they’re uncomfortable with the term, then don’t force them to accept it, but if someone else is using it as an identity, don’t force them out of it. trauma is not an excuse to be an asshole
You’re not a real gamer unless you’ve wasted countless hours of your life purposefully walking in the wrong direction to make sure you’re not missing any content
HAIRY SHIN BANDITS
hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Weird Biology! today, I’m going to give you a fresh look at a really weird bird you may have heard of before. so get ready to learn some badass new facts about this scrappy little football!
so say hello to:
*HEAVY METAL SCREAMING*
all right, so there isn’t much badass about a hairy, nocturnal, flightless, island-dwelling bird a little bigger than a chicken. or so they’d like you to think.
Kiwis live in New Zealand, which is fitting because they’re the Hobbits of birds. (bear with me a minute and put down the torches, please)
I swear I’m going somewhere with this
like Hobbits, Kiwis live in burrows. also like Hobbits, Kiwis are short, stocky creatures; they grow to be about eighteen inches tall and 7 pounds. (this is just slightly larger than the average chicken and probably larger than you thought they were) like Hobbits, Kiwis are voracious omnivores and eat basically anything they can fit in that ridiculous beak. and finally as I’m sure you’ve noticed, Kiwis are prodigiously hairy. like Hobbits.
and finally, the Kiwi would absolutely carry a cursed item to the ends of the earth and throw down with a Ring Wraith. (but they’d do it out of spite)
spite is the only emotion the Kiwi can feel
see, Kiwis are aggressive, territorial, and extremely tenacious. they defend their territories and burrows against anything and everything, including humans and probably also marauding armies of orcs. which, since Kiwis have squat muscular legs and extremely sharp claws, is no joke.
no seriously, they’ve been known to sprint out of the underbrush without warning, gouge people in the shin, and sprint away.
it’s a lot less funny when you realize that they’re at least as fast as you are.
adding to their sheer tenacious badassery is the fact that Kiwis are even still around. I don’t know if you guys are super familiar with what usually happens to flightless island-dwelling birds when humans and non-native predators show up, but it’s not good. (HINT: starts with an E and rhymes with “distinction”)
hundreds of years ago, humans first arrived on New Zealand. and they brought dogs and rats with them. these predators have been taking huge tolls on the Kiwi population for a very long time, but Kiwis are fighty tenacious bastards and against all odds they’re still here. for comparison: the Kakapo (New Zealand’s other largish flightless bird) has faced the same problem with introduced predators and is now damn near extinct.
Kiwi resilience is in large part thanks to New Zealand’s conservation programs, but also Kiwis are just tough little bastards who don’t know when to quit.
but I’ve saved the most thrashtacularly metal feat of the Kiwi for last. Kiwis form bonded pairs for life (awww), and lay one to two eggs together per year. which, okay, does not sound like a lot. however, there is an important fact that needs to be brought into consideration:
yes, that’s a REAL FUCKING XRAY. HOOOOOLY SHIT.
the egg is fucking huge. like, up to 25% of the mom’s body weight huge. that’s completely fucking ridiculous and it’s upsetting to even think about.
but that big egg makes a big, well-developed chick who comes out of the shell ready to stab you in the shin and sprint into the bushes. they’re literally born ready to throw down and are basically mini-adults. but still adorable.
continuing the family tradition!
unfortunately despite their badass ways, Kiwis are currently still under threat from introduced predators. the good news is that Kiwis are loved, celebrated, and protected by New Zealanders. (who are justly and rightly invested in their national bird, shin-kicking quirks and all)
there are many conservation programs in place for the embattled Kiwi, and its weirdness is a light that won’t be going out anytime soon.
shine on, you little weirdos, shine on.
thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.
if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee so I can caffeinate myself into the 5th dimension.
This was a joy to read
The ranger at the national park that my parents visited last year described the Kiwi as “We had the ecological need for bagders, but no mammals, so the birds evolutionarily squished themselves into a badger-shaped hole out of sheer rage.”
alcohol culture is so wild…people all over fb will be sharing a meme like “i can’t have just one glass of wine, it’s always 2 bottles and 3 people i can never look in the eye again” as if that’s normal? but if a meme like that was going around about cocaine or any other drug, everyone would be like “sounds like a drug problem bruh”
alcoholism is SO normalized and it’s such a toxic environment honestly
This article is a fascinating and horrifying observation of alcohol culture in present-day America – especially in the context of women and the “wine mom” attitude seen on Facebook in particular. It’s one of the most eye-opening things I’ve ever read, tbh.
Who remembers
Motherfucking Scholastic
Book
Orders
And then the magical traveling circus of scholastic would randomly show up
at the motherfucking BOOK FAIR
love
seriously the best ever.
Yo we still have Scholastic. I just stamped the October due date on a million of these flyers for my class. The Scholastic Book Fair is literally happening at my school RIGHT NOW. Scholastic Lives!!
